I started hanging out in fandom spaces like manga forums and fanfiction.net when I was ~10-12. It's probably fair to say fandom is where I got my first taste of creative indulgence, especially within a community space of likeminded weirdos. I copied my favorite manga panels and wrote fanfic after fanfic with all the intensity and drive of a child with a limited social life and unlimited internet access. I made so much bad art! I had so much fun!
This stopped abruptly after I made the Serious and Mature decision to pursue creative work professionally, which of course meant casting aside fanwork to focus on original ideas. For me, it also meant putting away prose and poetry, in favor of honing my visual art skills.
So I did that, for ~15 years. It isn't that I lost interest in anime/manga or video games, or that I stopped enjoying fanwork. But as school became college became work, as I encountered power-tripping teachers and directors one after another, as I came to witness and understand that exploitation and abuse are standard practice in The Industry (because there is, as of yet, no union)... the earnest joy of creation became flavorless. Projects for others became increasingly tedious; projects for myself became increasingly rare.
I hit a turning point in 2021, when I was diagnosed with an incurable illness. Stress from overwork had taken its toll on my body; my organs were literally beginning to shut down. I spent months scrambling to get my health back under control, while still finishing up the Big Project that had sent me to this breaking point in the first place. Now I am no longer in danger (and that project is behind me), but I am still learning to understand my new limitations, as a newly chronically ill person.
Anyway, right after my diagnosis, I got into the RGG/Yakuza series. And everything exploded..!
For the first time in over a decade, I felt that raw creative drive again, to make art for myself. Not for an audience, not for a company, not to pitch or sell as a brand or commodity. As my fandom interests grew deeper and more niche (laser-focused onto pretty much one single ship), I made more fanart, started writing fanfiction again, found a small community with friends all over the world, and even organized a couple of community events.
I don't know how long I will stay in this hyperfixation, but I'm grateful for what it's given me. My return to fandom has re-rewired my relationship to artmaking, and reminded me that I need to make things in a way that is true to myself. I need to make art that is weird, experimental, decadent, earnest, and at times fucked up and unpleasant. It's not that I want to stop making other kinds of art. Just that this is a side of my creative self that I've neglected, and want to nurture again.